Disappointment
Disappointment is a real bummer. If you’re like me, you have suffered many in your lifetime already. Disappointments, like most things, come in all shapes and sizes. Not getting the job you wanted, a break-up, missing the train, or perhaps your presidential candidate didn’t win the election. But what are we supposed to do with all of the feelings that come up with disappointment?
1) Acknowledge your feelings surrounding the disappointment. A lot of the time we tend to avoid our real feelings because it is too difficult to feel, so we choose ways to distract ourselves or numb out with maladaptive coping mechanisms (strategies that do not increase our functioning or make us feel better in the long term) such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, Netflix, etc. Owning our feelings can be very empowering. Your feelings have nothing to do with anyone else because they are yours. While feelings don’t always indicate reality, honoring our feelings and knowing that it’s okay to feel can help us move forward.
2) Keep things in perspective. When we are dealing with a disappointment, it can feel all encompassing. Know that the intensity of what you are feeling now will lessen with time. This isn’t the first time you have dealt with disappointment and I would imagine that you have survived prior disappointments. So when it feels like it’s the end of the world, revert back to evidence to support the notion that you have survived other setbacks. Take a walk, take a deep breath, and do something that feels good for your soul.
3) Make a gratitude list. This may sound elementary or even silly but research suggests that making a gratitude list can really change our moods and our outcomes. Have you ever heard that what we pay attention to defines us? Taking time in the early morning or evening to outline what we are grateful for can shift our thoughts and our feelings. Think about something right now that brings you joy. What was that like for you? Did a smile cross your face? It’s really hard to think of something positive and not feel a physical response.
4) Keep on keeping on. This one is simple; don’t give up. Know that we experience ups and downs as part of life. Of course we enjoy the ups probably more than the downs but experiencing the downs can often help us feel the ups even more. Or at the very least, appreciate the ups more. There are valuable lessons in failure if we are willing to look deeper. There has never been a successful person that hasn’t experienced some sort of failure, loss, or disappointment. This too shall pass.